The best kept secret is the joy found in a quiet life. Our current culture is all about the progression, the bigger the better, the more the merrier, the hustle, the grind, the girl boss, the constant content creation, and endless sharing of every last tidbit of life. There is pleasure to be found in this approach, absolutely, especially while in the company of others pursuing the same dream or navigating life in the same manner, but at the end of the day… if you know you are intuitive, empathetic, a highly sensitive person or an introvert, this lifestyle will very quickly exhaust you and if allowed to continue will inevitably take you out.
Only a handful of years ago, I did not know there was another way. I was frustrated, angry even with myself for not being able to keep up. Why do I burn out so fast? I would ask myself time and time again. In fact, just like most of the empaths, HSPs and introverts I support, I had no idea there were others like me also unable to keep up with the frantic movement the many around us seemed to maintain. So let me be clear, regardless of your personality, human design, background, trauma, current situation, spiritual beliefs, or occupation – there is another way, and I’d like to contend, a better way.
It is the quiet life.
A life with margin. A life with choice. A life with calm. A life honoring your gentle flow.
A quiet spacious life is not selfish. It’s not hermit life. It’s not failure. It’s not depression. It’s not quitting. It’s not wrong. It’s freedom and it may just be right for you.
We, as empaths, introverts, and highly sensitive people, have bought into the cultural message that if we just work hard enough, follow the methods marketed to us, attend one more workshop, read two more books… we will finally be able to keep up and have the success and impact we desire. Or perhaps we will receive what it is we truly want, to be finally understood, seen, whole, loved, affirmed, and at ease with ourselves and the world. I’m calling bullshit. Look around. Really. Look. Around. You have intuitive giftings and the ability to see through other people’s facades, so use it. That author, the speaker, that influencer, the CEO, the expert, what do their real lives look like? How are their relationships? How is, dare I ask, their health? Do they seem truly grounded and settled into their own skin? Or is there an air of desperation, massive exhaustion, forcefulness, recklessness, disconnection from or obsession with themselves, physical illness? Is this what you want for yourself? If not, perhaps their way, regardless of how successful they appear, is not for you.
A quiet life does not equal loss of impact. In fact, I would encourage you to consider the implications. Let’s walk through it together. If you were to pull back from all the cultural, familial, communal, and perhaps even progressive work “shoulds”, reevaluate them based on a fresh value system that prioritized your health and rest, would you not (after some solid recovery time from your previous lifestyle) have MORE to give and MORE to share?
There are many conversations around the topic of self-care. It’s in fact very on-trend to take care of yourself first, but what I often find within these is an absence of depth, a lack of understanding of the true self, and no acknowledgment of how much change needs to occur to fully live it out. It’s not just about making decisions based on what you want or how you feel in a moment – though this can be a simple and gentle way to approach self-prioritization if you’ve been pushed, stepped on, and manipulated most of your life, as is the case for most HSPs, empaths, and introverts. It is instead a deep internal shift. One that guides your daily decisions based on intimate knowledge and understanding of your unique self.
The first responsibility you have been gifted from the very beginning is yourself. This has and always will be your built-in priority. The very fact that we have to have conversations around it shows just how disconnected from our own souls and bodies we are as a culture.
It is your life’s purpose to first uncover what you have been intentionally created to do on this earth, at this time, and then live it out to the very best of your unique ability. You were not created by chance. You have innate value by simply living as you are meant to.
Do you know why and how you are meant to live? A quiet life can create the space you need for this uncovering. It can also offer the relief of messages, voices, and pressures that will pull you away from your purpose, your ultimate meaning.
Wired with abilities that allow you to sense other’s emotions, pick up on details, consider context and patterns, deeply study and research, savor the beauty of the world, add to the beauty of the world, cultivate thought-provoking ideas, organize with perfection, and more, you have so much to offer. Though these abilities mean you require more time of rest and simplicity, these needs should not be seen as weaknesses, but instead as nourishment, water, for your flowering. A flower does not continually shine it has seasons of ebb and flow. The quiet of winter simply makes the opening, the bloom, that much sweeter. Don’t be afraid of your need for winters. Allow them in and even extend them as needed. You will see a much richer spring as a result.
To learn how to live authentically and receive support in recovering your health and self as an empath, introvert, or highly sensitive person, peruse the resources below.
Authentic Calm, the podcast
The Highly Sensitive Person, the book to read
Merfleur Wellness, the Guide and the Assessment to recover your health
